Ben Writes

Toilet Talk: Things My Father Taught Me

Fathers … and Step Fathers - for better or worse they’re the best teacher any boy can have. Through their triumphs and mistakes we learn the lessons that make us better men, lessons that we will ultimately pass down to our children. With that said, if you had a father figure anything like mine, these lessons come with unforgettable stories.

Getting your drivers license is one of those milestones in your life you will remember forever - however I had a harder time than most getting there. I had logged very few hours behind the wheel before I took Driver’s Ed during my junior year of High School. I was already sheepish and meek by nature but getting behind the wheel with three other students in the car and an imposing, chain smoking female driving teacher compounded the issue.

Any kid will tell you the best driver in the world is their father, after a few classes I decided to take careful notes from my step father when it came to a few things; one thing I had persistent problems with was remembering to actually turn and watch out the back window when in reverse rather than checking the rear-view mirror. My step father’s technique was one I’m sure you’re familiar, he slipped his right arm behind the passenger seat to give him leverage when craning his neck to get a better view out of the back. It seemed genius, or so I thought.

My next time in Driver’s Ed I was very excited to show my instructor that I had been practicing outside of class. When she told me to parallel park I pulled up to the front car, put the car in reverse, threw my arm behind her seat like I had seen my step father do and executed what I thought was a perfect parallel parking job.

My first clue was the snickering from the back seat but I was riding the high of success … until I turned to my instructor for validation. “It’s been a long time since a 16 year old used that move on me,” she rasped. “But I think my husband might have something to say about that.”

The snickering became belly laughs.

I eventually did learn how to parallel park and passed my road test on the first try, a testament to her patience with me behind the wheel. When I excitedly went to pick up my results after the test, she congratulated me. “You’ve come a long way since from the kid that was putting the moves on me,” she prodded.

Even if he didn’t mean to, my step father taught me how to parallel park. And pick up women.