Ben Writes

Will Dexter Eat It: Apples

This week is a tip of the hat to a former family pet, Duke. Duke was a giant heinz 57 mutt. He was big, dumb, friendly, and probably one of the easiest going dogs I have ever met. Duke was a giant surrounded by much smaller dogs, 2 dachos and a min-pin, but he was a gentle giant. Near the end of his life, we would spend summer afternoons in the backyard playing catch with small apples that fell off a tree. Inevitably he would end up eating more than a few which would cause some serious gas later. Unfortunately ol Duke passed away a few years ago, but those memories of him eating apples and memories like it will stay with me always.

In case you are wondering, apples are perfectly fine for dogs to eat - in fact it’s quite common to find them on the label of your dog’s food. Eating too much apple at once will do what too much fiber would do to anyone - give them some serious gas. Beyond that, there’s nothing to worry about.

Now - will Dexter eat it? We’re about to find out. I personally don’t think so, but what do I know, I’m taking a big 0fer right now. This has to be my chance to turn it around, c’mon Dex, work with me on this one.

I win! Finally! I don’t feel so bad anymore!

No animals were hurt during the filming of this video, but Dexter may have an apple tree growing in his stomach

Will My Dog Eat It? Candy Corn

It’s Halloween, and that means it’s time to pump kids full of sugar to the point their heads start spinning. So why should Dexter be any different? So for the next 3 weeks Dexter will be trying out iconic Halloween candies, no chocolate. I mean, what could possibly go wrong giving Dexter a sugar rush? What’s he going to do? Chase his tail? Been There. Do wind sprints across the apartment? Got that T Shirt.

Yesterday my lady brought home a bag of candy corn and put it on the table. Me? I’m not the world’s biggest fan. But Dexter has been eyeing it up since. And really, what candy is more iconic than candy corn? Sugar and corn syrup? I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong, do you? Candy corn is one of those things that you either love or hate BUT I guarantee everyone has vivid memories of eating candy corn as a kid - biting off each color separately.

The Challenger: Candy Corn

After the past two weeks I’m inclined to say there’s nothing he won’t eat, but it’s going to be fun to find out. Not only that, but the way he scarfed down the Altoids makes me thinks he has a sweet tooth. However, there’s a part of me that says that some kids won’t even eat these things, and they eat most candy. My call is: NO. I don’t think he’ll eat it.

But enough talking:

Let’s Ask Dexter

And of course! I’m now 0-3 on will Dexter eat it! Ugh, I feel like a failed parent. Until next week, enjoy.

No dogs were injured in the making of this blog, and we now know he’s not diabetic

Toilet Talk: Update on Dexter and the Pepper Rings

Friday we fed Dexter pepper rings, you can see that entry below if you missed it. He really liked them, putting down four before we decided we should probably slow down in case it causes stomach aches. That morning he had done his business and I checked his droppings to make sure nothing was weird, unsurprisingly he was fine so the woman and I went out to run some errands.

When we got him I took him out on his regular schedule, and I swear I nearly missed it but there was a thin yellow/green ring in his poop. Upon further inspection it turns out he pooped out one of the Banana Peppers whole. I got back in and did a little research, it turns out dog’s digestive systems struggle to process fibers and plants and the such.

You and I suffer from the same problem, I’m sure you’re accustomed to the old corn in the poop? Same concept, our digestive tracts are not capable of highly fibrous outer coating of a corn kernel and it leaves us in tact. The same thing happens with tomato as well, it’s not a noticeable because of the color but certain parts of the tomato are too fibrous for us to process and out it comes whole.

The worst food to experience this with is … peanuts. Not this doesn’t always happen, but peanuts can sometimes be too fibrous to digest and come out in little jagged pieces implanted in your poop. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

Will My Dog Eat It? Pepper Rings

Last week Dexter killed an Altoid and since then he has been getting in my face whenever I break a tin out. I think we have created a monster … and they still don’t make his breath any better. This week we move to the other end of the spectrum, we are taking a request and moving onto something spicier.

The original suggestion I received was of jalapeno … not bad but I couldn’t help feel like that might be a little too much. I like the idea, but I had the feeling we needed to go a little less hot. So I thought and thought, and then I got a great idea. One of my favorites salad accoutrements, banana peppers. They allow us to to go spicy without being cruel.

The Challenger: Pepper Rings

My initial reaction is there isn’t a chance in the world he’s going to touch these things for one reason, they’re green. Dogs don’t eat things that are green. Then there’s the fact that scent will probably turn him off as well. That’s why my prediction is a resounding “No, Dexter will not eat it”. I predict a lick or two at best. But enough talk, let’s get down to business.

Let’s Ask Dexter

And Dexter surprises me more and more every day. The only drawback is I might be waking up to dog farts. Believe me, I will keep you all updated.

No dogs were injured in the making of this blog, but I can’t promise he won’t have a sting ring later

Will My Dog Eat It? Altoids

Meet Dexter.

He’s my one year old miniature long haired Dachshund. He enjoys chasing his tail, dry humping his favorite pillow, sleeping, licking your face, and peeing on you if he’s excited. In short, he’s the best dog ever.

We’ve all the heard the rumor, dogs will eat anything … but is it true? Why don’t you help me find out. I love science, it’s so straightforward and like any experiment we have to lay down some guidelines to preserve the integrity of our work.

1. Nothing that will harm Dexter, he is my best non-human friend. That and my soon to be wife would destroy me if anything happened to him. This includes anything that will make him puke, act funny, or have bad gas.

2. It has to be food. I don’t want my dog pooping balloons or robo-tripping.

3. No meat. He’s a dog, of course he’ll eat meat.

4. There is a 30 second time limit. I mean hell, after 2 seconds if he hasn’t ate it, he won’t.

5. No hiding the item in cheese or anything else that we know he’ll eat. I could get him to eat his own poop … well he already does that.

6. Any irregularities with his bowel movements will be documented.

With that decided, leeeeeeet’s begin.

Week One: ALTOIDS

Note: Dogs cannot eat sugar free Altoids, the sugar substitute is poisonous and could make them very sick.

I know some people who won’t eat Altoids. To be more specific, the classic red can Peppermint Altoids. Me? I love them, pop them like candy. But what about a dog?

Let’s ask Dexter:

YES!!!!!! Dexter likes altoids, apparently a lot. He didn’t just eat it, he destroyed it and then tried to get the can.

No dogs were injured in the making of this blog, and his breath still smells